Archive for January, 2012

Recently the illusive nature of the giant squid and the very nature of its existence has been a topic of conversation between me and a friend. Needless to say, I was woefully uninformed on the subject – so I took to the Internet. I found some interesting facts, but more importantly it lead me to one of the greatest pieces of comedic gold I have ever personally stumbled upon (that is also to say that the interpretation to follow is close to the one that actually happened).

Without further adieu, I want to talk about the Sperm Whale.

Okay. The Sperm whale has been around for a long time. It was seen first by humans as early as the 18th century. This leads me to the funny bit. A Sperm whale is misnamed. Sorry to blow that for you (first of many puns). But follow me here. On its head is a “milky-white” waxy substance called spermaceti. From what I have gathered one could easily compare a human’s snot to spermaceti.

And now I give you the following…

You’re a seaman (I had to, come on) in the 18th century. And let’s say you’re the first person to ever see and kill a whale with this “milky-white” substance on its head. You are given the privilege of naming this animal and you naturally give it the first name that comes (dammit, I did it again) to your mind. You name this majestic creature the Sperm Whale.

Assuming that scenario is plausible, let’s go one step more…

You’re eating dinner on your ship the next day. One of your fellow seamen approaches you and asks, “so tell us how you know that Sperm Whale is really a Sperm Whale.” I mean what do you say but this: “Well it’s obvious, male Sperm whales must have duty to ejaculate on every other Sperm whale they can find.” Naturally this answer is accepted by all your fellow sailors (I spared you all that time). And you report your newly discovered whale the next time your ship makes port.

Follow up: You, the sailor, who have just officially slandered a beautiful whale because you couldn’t see anything past the suggestive milky-white substance that was on its head. So you came (yep, again) up with Sperm Whale.

The End.

PS: I can actually say, “I think that’s funny.” oh and if you don’t think so I DON’T CARE


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